Pages From Diary

Serious stuffs by a non-serious guy

One year of ***** December 4, 2010

Filed under: diary,personal — Amaresh Swain @ 5:48 am

Remember…exactly 1 year back, I had posted an article in this blog. Don’t know if it’s a coincidence, I just came across this article last night and thought of putting some updates. Same date, same time.

As I had mentioned that I had to leave this place and was calculating the value of leaving place and time, I would like you to know that I have been living here till date. I have not left this city yet. Life is going on. .. with different colors.


Lose-a-Gain! December 4, 2009

Filed under: diary,personal,quote,Uncategorized,views — Amaresh Swain @ 5:48 am
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I always say that things can be made personal, persons never. I am a bit fussy in choosing friends. That might be because I do not want to be hurt over silly things. So, I nurtured an idea of not getting attached to persons but the moments spent with them. That helped me forgetting some bad experiences and save good moments for sweet memories.

“We do not leave things behind. We live time and place which have some persons and things associated with them. When we leave that place or time, the things get away” ——Lucky Swain

When I say it’s my view about leaving things, I do not mean living things. Let me tell you something from real life activities. We love our pets, we care about our friends, we help a physically challenged person on road. At the same time, we quarrel with friends over silly things, beat our siblings for a piece of chocolate, envy our good friends for the new brand of cellphone and blah…Have you ever envied the TV for broadcasting a nice reality show or beat a table for being dirty?

Instances from my life:

  • My Mother passed away last month. [I use ‘M’ in capital, because in my heart, she was a great lady.] She was suffering from skeletal metastasis and we tried our best to save her. She had been hospitalized for 14 months before her demise. When the doctors warned, I knew it was going to happen one or the other day and started making myself ready to bear the weight of that sorrow. When she died, I had become so strong that I could not even be able to weep.
  • I work at a place where I am 2,000 km away from home. After my Momma’s demise, I thought of moving nearer to family and I may do so in next one month. 4 am this morning, I was at the airport to see off one of my friends. After biding her adieu, I came home and tried to take a nap. But, it becomes really difficult for me to sleep again after waking up in the morning. I could not sleep. Then I was heavy with a lot of thoughts: the thought of leaving this city, moments spent here and the things related to it and the persons got into my life during my stay in this place. I t bothered me a lot as I thought of leaving everything behind.

If I go for a comparison, I would be baffled not having a solution in hand. Both the situations are tough; whether loss of a person or a thing, leaving a place or time.

Let’s compare the value of  ‘lose’ and ‘gain’. When my Momma got me, it was result of 9 months of pain,excitement and anxiety. That moment, she had got nothing other than a bare human cub. When I lost her, it was 22 yrs of love and affection including the last one year of acting (I never let her know that she had a few days in hand, although I came to know it a year ago.). This time I lost a mother,a guide, a friend, and then some. This ‘some’ includes my learning, my behaviors, my social manners, my everything. That’s because she was the one who brought me up and whatever way I learn to live life was a sole contribution of my parents. If there is something I might call my own, then that would be my academic certificates or a photo ID that bears my name or else the act of glib-lying that never let her feel that she was going to leave me (I say so, because she never taught me to lie).

If we estimate the value of a gain or loss in terms of money, the value of a loss always takes more than ten times the value of gain of the same thing. You may compare the happiness of getting a new-born and the sorrow of getting your boy child run over by a speeding cab.

When I say ‘lose-a-gain’, I mean losing something that I have gained over past moments (seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years, eras,ages,eons or the longest divisions of geologic time starting from an epoch). ‘Lose a gain’ is very much similar to ‘lose again’ (a homophone) and it means the same. Now that I am ready to leave the city, I am lost estimating the value of losing things related to the place and time.